


Rainy Days

by theflowerchildandthepunk



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Heaven, Hell, Like, Louis Dies, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide, and harry kills himself, im sorry, side Ziam, the smut is so bad, very little ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5308241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflowerchildandthepunk/pseuds/theflowerchildandthepunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t think you know what it’s like to miss someone who isn’t there. To be in love with a ghost. You died, Louis! You didn’t even tell me you were sick, you just brushed it off like you dying wasn’t that big of a deal!"</p><p>or the one where Louis dies, Harry kills himself, and they end up seeing each other again</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainy Days

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at summaries so I'm sorry. I still don't own One Direction and I'm still writing on a shitty laptop. My best friend gave me the title, yay her! I obviously don't know what heaven or hell or an in between is like, still alive thank you very much. Also, the smut is kind of bad but I tried so I think I should get a cookie for that. My Tumblr is writing-about-things and Instagram is txting.5sos if you want to send me things like request or whatever. I'm really bad at his. Enjoy?

Harry had taken up writing after Louis died, simple things at first like a post it on the refrigerator to remind himself to eat. Post it’s turned into napkins that read about what Harry missed about Louis, the way the bed doesn’t feel the same anymore. Napkins turned into letters that he left at Louis’ grave, messy handwriting and ink running from the tears he never seemed to be able to stop.

 

_Day 27_

Louis,

I saw your mum yesterday and she asked me how I was, like the bags under my eyes wasn’t enough of an answer. I didn’t want to tell her how I really was. She has enough to deal with, with your siblings and having to remind them that you’re gone every time they call out for you. She doesn’t need to know about how I can’t sleep anymore or that I haven’t left the flat in three weeks or how I swear sometimes I can still feel you next to me. So I just told her I was fine and made plans that I don’t plan on keeping, a pleasant lie that both of us are okay with. How was I supposed to tell her I miss a ghost?

 

_Day 59_

Louis,

Gems and Mum came over today to help me move everything to the new flat, said it would be a fresh start and that it would help me move on. They packed up your things in a tiny little box and told me not to worry about it, that they would get rid of everything for me so I wouldn’t have to be the one to give the last pieces of you away. I cried so hard that I tasted blood and they just held me, whispering that time would heal all the hurt that I was feeling but it’s been this long and I still feel like shit. I snuck the box in anyways and told them that we must have left it when they asked, and I’m sure that they know I took it but they didn’t say anything. I just think that they can’t handle losing any more of me that they already have.

 

_Day 84_

Louis,

I miss you so much that it hurts to breathe. I keep thinking that maybe I’ll see you soon, that I’ll be able to touch you again without it being a dream. I told Zayn that and he stayed for a week to make sure I didn’t do anything to myself. I don’t think he realized that I could have swallowed a bottle of pills in the shower and he wouldn’t have known until he needed in the bathroom. He and Liam keep trying to convince me to move in with them. I think it’s more because they don’t want to find me dead the next time they come around than the fact that they miss me.

 

Harry ended up taking a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of whiskey, mind becoming a black spiral that he accepted with open arms because this could be his chance to see Louis again, his chance to feel something other than the ball of depression in his chest.  He lost all feeling in his body and felt his lungs stop working, chest burning with the desperate need to breathe and he could hear Louis’ voice calling out to him, a soft sound that eased the pain racing through his body. Louis was holding Harry when he woke up, small hand running through Harry’s curls and dragging a smile onto Harry’s face. “I missed you.” Harry whispered and Louis was crying, silent tears drops that landed on Harry’s checks and shone like diamonds. “Where are we?” Harry sat up and Louis climbed into his lap, hands bunching up Harry’s shirt in his fist before replying with his face buried in Harry’s neck. “It’s like an in between place. Our souls haven’t become good or bad enough to go to heaven or hell. Sometimes people get to stay when they’re waiting for the other half of their soul. It’s a complicated thing.” Harry tightened his grip on Louis’ waist and brushed a kiss over his temple, breathing in the way he smelled because it’s been 100 days and he’s missed this with everything in his body. “I wrote you letters. Every time I missed you so much that it hurt to blink, I wrote you. And I don’t know if somehow you knew about it or read them or whatever, but I never forgot about you. God, Louis. I missed you so much. I never thought I would be able to hold you again, hear your voice. Tell you I loved you and have you say it back.”

 

Louis squeezed his arms tighter around Harry, like an answer of ‘I know how it feels, I know how much your heart hurts’ and that was good enough for Harry. He pulled Louis closer into his chest and they stayed like that for a while, until Louis couldn’t feel his thighs and Harry couldn’t feel his lower body at all. “Come on, I want to show you something.” Louis whispered and got out of Harry’s lap, waiting patiently for Harry to stand up and follow him. Harry tangled their fingers together and let Louis tug him through a thick grove of trees, walking in silence until Louis started talking again. “It shows you peaceful things. That’s why it’s all naturey. It showed me you until you showed up in person.” Harry just hummed in acknowledgement and kept walking, there would be plenty of time for Louis to explain everything to Harry later. “We’re here.” Harry looked up and smiled to himself, a little cottage that looked like the one they had when they were alive in front of them. “It’s not home, but it’s close enough.” Louis lead Harry inside and sat him down on the couch, straddling him with his knees on either side of Harry’s thighs. Harry put his hands on Louis’ waist and smiled up at him, his dimples making an appearance and his heart hasn’t felt this whole in 100 days. “I did read them, by the way. The letters. While you wrote them, over your shoulder. I didn’t know you were that sad. Love, why did you take the pills?” Louis asked and Harry brushed his lips against Louis’ jaw, kissing his neck softly before answering; the words that have been caught in his throat spilling out. “I don’t think you know what it’s like to miss someone who isn’t there. To be in love with a ghost. You died, Louis! You didn’t even tell me you were sick, you just brushed it off like you dying wasn’t that big of a deal! I had to watch you lose pieces of yourself day after day and it was like you didn’t even stop to think how it would affect the people around you. How it would affect your mum or your siblings or our friends. Or me. And I swore I could feel you sometimes, brushing up against me or holding me. God, Louis! I got so lost in you that when you died, I didn’t know how to find myself again. How was I supposed to keep living when my entire body was for me giving up? When I could barely get out of bed because I needed you? I needed you Louis, and you were gone! So, I took the pills. I wanted to see you one more time. I’m a weak man dedicated to a dead man.” Louis was crying again, more diamond tears that fell onto Harry’s shirt and let sparkling stains. “You weren’t supposed to die, Haz. You were supposed to grow old and adopt ten more cats and fall in love all over again. You were supposed to be happy.” Louis sobbed and Harry just held him tighter, peppering his face with kisses so he could stop Louis from crying over something that he couldn’t have prevented.

 

Louis eventually did stop crying, tears turning into hiccups that he muffled with Harry’s shoulder and Harry just rubbed Louis’ back with his hand, comforting him because that’s one thing that he knows how to do. “Let’s go sleep, okay love? I think we could both use a nap, calm ourselves down enough to function without having another emotional breakdown.” Harry suggested and Louis nodded, leading Harry to the bedroom and letting him take the left side like usual after they had both stripped down to their pants. Louis climbed in beside Harry and cuddled up to his back, arm slipping around Harry’s waist and pulling him closer into his chest. Harry linked their fingers together and rested their hands on his stomach, thumb rubbing soothingly across the top of Louis’ smaller hand. “Can I kiss you?” Harry whispered and felt Louis nod, hair brushing that back of Harry’s neck before letting Harry go so he could turn around. Harry brought up a hand and traced the shape of Louis’ lips, brushing his fingers across his cheekbones and settling on the back of Louis’ neck before pulling him in, lips barely touching. Louis moved in further, lips pressed together firmly this time, and placed his hand over Harry’s heart so he could pretend he could feel it beating. Harry pulled back first for air, thumb brushing over Louis’ cheek bone softly before he went back for another kiss, hungrier this time, nipping at Louis bottom lip and soothing the sting with his tongue when Louis whimpered into his mouth. “Tell me to stop and we’ll stop.” Louis just shook his head and pushed Harry until he was on his back, moving so he could straddle him with his bum pressed against Harry’s crotch. “If we stop, I might kill you. All over again.” Louis muttered and Harry giggled, the sound turning into a soft moan when Louis tugged on his hair.

 

“I missed being able to hear you like this. All needy and loud.” Louis said smugly, grinding down onto Harry’s cock so he could feel it fatten up against his arse; Harry gripping Louis’ waist hard enough to leave bruises that would still be there by tomorrow. Harry hitched his hips up to press further into Louis, nails digging into the skin over Louis’ hipbones and making needy noises in the back of his throat that Louis caught in his mouth. Harry slid his hands up Louis’ sides, pinching his nipples and whimpering when Louis pinned his hands down on the bed beside his head. “I don’t think the house is going to magically provide us with lube, so we’ll have to stick to blowjobs.” Louis panted out and Harry nodded his head frantically, hips jerking forward to find more friction when Louis pulled away so he could scoot down the bed and be face to face with Harry’s cloth covered cock. He peeled back Harry’s pants slowly, smiling into Harry’s hipbone at the sounds he was making and tugged them off all the way before look up at Harry from under his lashes. “Lou, please. Just touch me.” Harry begged and Louis did, giving the head of his cock kitten licks before taking half of it in his mouth and getting it wet; pulling off with a ‘pop’ and wrapping a hand around it to get it fully hard. Louis went back at it, taking Harry’s cock back into his mouth with a small moan at the taste of precum and bobbed his head; breathing through his nose when Harry’s cock brushed the back of his throat. Harry jerked his hips forward and moaned into his wrist, biting the skin there so he wouldn’t fuck up into Louis’ mouth and choke him.

 

Louis sped up, hand moving to play with Harry’s balls and send him over the edge with a muffled shout of ‘Fuck!’ and just a string of Louis name, like it was the only thing he remembered how to say. Louis wrapped his hand around the base of his own cock, moving up so he could kiss Harry after he swallowed; sighing softly when Harry knocked away Louis’ hand to replace it with his own. It didn’t take much for Louis to cum, not when Harry was whispering how much he wanted Louis inside of him into his ear. They cuddled afterwards, ignoring the mess they made in favor of just holding each other. They would clean up later, shower when they woke up. Harry brushed his lips over Louis’ collarbone, resting his head over the spot where he should have been able to hear Louis’ heartbeat. “What happens now?” Harry whispered and Louis slipped a hand into his hair, carding through the curls for a while before he answered. “I don’t know. I’ve only met two other people while I’ve been here and they both just disappeared, they were the reason I knew anything at all. We might wake up tomorrow and be in heaven. We might be in hell. We might still be here. It’s a guessing game at the moment.” Harry just nodded and closed his eyes, praying that whatever happened they would just stay together.

 

Harry woke up first, still tangled up with Louis on the small bed with the light streaming through the blinds on the window. He slipped out, slowly so he wouldn’t wake Louis up, and headed to the bathroom; the house providing him with everything he needed to take a shower. He put it in the back of his mind to ask Louis how that even happened, how the house just provided them with what they needed like magic. It was a bit weird. He shuffled out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, humming softly while he went through the drawers of the dresser and pulled out clothes that could pass as the ones he left behind after he died. Louis woke up while he was getting dressed, pressing himself against Harry’s back and kissing his shoulder. “Morning, love. How’d you sleep?” It was so familiar, the routine they had back when they were alive and Harry forgot how to breathe for a minute because he’s been waiting for this moment for what feels like forever. “Better, now that I can feel you again.” Louis hummed in acknowledgment and kissed Harry’s shoulder again, showering while Harry finished getting dressed and sat on the bathroom sink. “Hey, Lou? Can I ask you some questions?” Louis snorted and stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain, squinting his eyes so shampoo wouldn’t fall into them. “You just did. But, by all means, keep asking.” Harry rolled his eyes fondly and fiddled with the rings on his hand before speaking again.

 

“How does the house do this? Like, give us everything we need like it’s in our head somehow.” Harry felt a lot dumber after he asked the question, but whatever. He wanted to know. “Well.” Louis started, voice  muffled by the water that was undoubtedly pouring over his face. “I don’t know. I’m going to assume that it just does because it doesn’t want us to stink it up. But that’s probably total bullshit.” Harry laughed quietly and adjusted his body so he wouldn’t lose feeling in his legs.”Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” Louis almost couldn’t hear it over the noise of the water, Harry’s voice so small that he was surprised he even heard it at all. “I don’t know, baby. I didn’t think that I was that sick until it was too late. The doctors didn’t know what it was or how to treat it. Just a surprise sickness that stole everything I loved from me.” Louis rinsed to soap off of his body and stepped out of the shower, accepting the towel that Harry handed him. “I guess I just didn’t want you to worry about me. You had enough on your plate. Graduating uni. Applying for all those teaching jobs. Planning our wedding. Haz, you had so much to live for and I didn’t want you to lose that spark.” Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle when he started to cry, wiping away the teardrops that were rolling down his cheeks. “Don’t cry, baby. I don’t hurt anymore, and I get to see you now.” Louis cooed and Harry hunkered down so it would be easier to Louis to hold him, crying into Louis’ neck until he felt like he had no more tears in his body. They cuddled on the bed after Louis got dressed, legs tangled together and facing each other so it was easier for both of them to talk to each other. “I used to have strange dreams when I first got here. Sort of like video clips of all the people I loved. Mum making tea and the girls piling onto the couch so they could watch Disney movies with each other. Zayn and Liam talking about adopting another dog and Niall drinking his night away at a shitty bar in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t realize it then, but they were glimpses of how everyone was doing. The only reason I could even tell was because I saw one where they all came to visit you, fake smiles and all so they could maybe trick you into laughing. Remind yourself that you were alive. They drove me crazy, just a taste of everything I was missing. And now I get to see you, touch you for real and I think that drives me even crazier. I’m just scared that I’ll wake up and this will have all been a dream.”

 

Harry squeezed Louis hand and kissed his temple, pushing his body against Louis’ so he could feel the weight of him. “Not a dream. ‘M very real, Lou.” Harry murmured and Louis laughed into the pillow, starfishing over the bed from under Harry. Harry kissed Louis on the cheek, sloppy and wet so Louis would wiggle away and give Harry his part of the bed back. “I didn’t have one of those last night. Maybe it’s just a Louis thing. Although, I think it would just make me sad to see how everyone was holding up; so I’m good with not getting them.” Harry whispered like a secret and Louis smiled at him, the one that makes the skin around his eyes crinkle and Harry felt like he fell in love all over again. “Do you think that there’s something wrong with me not getting the dreams?” Louis shook his head and rolled over so he was on top of Harry, making the younger boy groan and adjust Louis’ body so he wasn’t squishing Harry’s balls anymore. “Probably just means that they haven’t found out yet. Harsh, but true.” Harry went with it, only a little piece of his heart crumbling off and dying at the thought of his loved ones having to find his body curled up in the corner that he ended up in. “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” Louis said and kissed Harry, soft and sweet so the frown on Harry’s face would melt away. Harry kissed him back, tongue tracing the seam of Louis’ lips and hands moving to rest on the swell of Louis’ bum, squeezing the flesh there and smirking to himself when Louis pushed back into Harry’s hands. It ended up like the night before, with Harry’s cock in Louis’ mouth and Harry getting Louis off to the feeling of his hand. They made it work, for a few days at least. Until Harry started hearing voices, his mum and Zayn and Liam and Niall and Gems.

 

“Harry, baby. Wake up.” Harry whipped his head around and crinkled his eyebrows at Louis who just looked at him like ‘the fuck did we just hear’, and it was a moment of pure silence before Harry started yelling. “Louis, why did I just hear my mum?! What the fuck is going on?!” Louis just shook his head at him because he didn’t know, although there was a thought in the back of his mind but Louis refused to believe that was the case. He had just gotten Harry back, there was no way he was going to let him go just because he had a slight idea as to why Harry could hear the people he loved. They ignored it until they heard Niall, his Irish accent cutting through the air and making them both jump. “Haz. God, why did you take the pills? We miss you, mate. So much. Your mum and sister have been driving everybody crazy, refusing to leave your side and the doctor has actually threatened to sedate both of them if they didn’t calm down. Zayn believes that when we talk to you, that you can hear us. I’m not so sure about it, but I’m willing to give it a try. Harry, we want you to wake up. We want you to get better. But if you don’t want to, if you want to stay wherever you are, I’ll understand. I think that you’ve missed Louis so much that you stopped trying. I get it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand how you felt, but I know how it feels to be clinging to the thought of a person you love. We’re all doing it right now. Haz, please. Just. Try to wake up. I love you, man. We all do.” Louis started crying, diamond tears like the other times and they fell on Harry’s arm; shocking Harry into comforting Louis instead of just sitting there with his mouth hanging open. “Shh, Louis, it’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I love you and I’m not leaving, period end of story.” Harry soothed and Louis cuddled into his side, clutching his shirt in his fist and refusing to let go of Harry even after he stopped crying. Louis was about to apologize for crying, yet again, when they heard another voice; this time belonging to Gems. “Hi, baby brother.” They heard her sniffle. “I, umm. I don’t really know what to say. I miss you. It’s been six months and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.” Her voice broke and Harry started to cry, silent tears that burned his face. “Please wake up. I don’t think I can live like this anymore, mum is in so much pain and it hurts. It hurts to wake up in the mornings, I know you won’t be there with a stupid joke or to randomly make me french toast or to complain about all the silly things Louis did. And it hurts to go to bed. I can’t call you up and have you sing to me when I can’t fall asleep or because I need one of your ridiculous home remedies for something.” Harry started crying even harder, barely feeling Louis rubbing his hand up and down his back in an attempt to comfort him. “Mum can’t even sleep anymore. All she does is cry and worry about if you’re going to wake up or not. She keeps saying that losing one child was enough, she doesn’t want to lose you either and I don’t understand how you survived as long as you did when you lost Louis. You loved him with everything in your body, you chose to love him and you had him for just a few years and then you lost him in an instant. I’ve had you for over twenty, and this isn’t instant. This is long and drawn out and painful. I love you, Hazza. Whatever happens, just remember that I love you so much and so does mum.”

 

Harry was sobbing into Louis’ chest by the time Gemma was finished, feeling the ghost of a kiss float across his cheek. Louis calmed him down enough to where he stopped crying and kissed Harry on top of the head, rocking him back and forth on the couch like a small child that needed to be calmed after a nightmare. “We have to talk about it, Harry.” Louis whispered and Harry flinched, shaking his head because, no, he’s had enough to deal with tonight. They’d talk about it when he felt ready to, when his heart wasn’t a raw as it was now. Louis just kept quiet and they fell asleep on the couch like that, curled around each other with doubts overcrowding both of their minds. Harry woke up before Louis again, stretching before laying his head back down on Louis’ chest and pretending he could hear Louis’ heart beating. “You can go. If you want. I love you and I will always want you to stay with me, but they’re your family. They deserve the parts of you that i didn’t take when I died. I’ll miss you, I think I always will. But if you want. You can go.” Harry clenched his eyes shut and refused to acknowledge the tears that slipped out from under his eyelids. “I’m not leaving you. I already told you that, so you should just accept it. I’ll miss them, probably for a really long time but I’ve missed you for a hundred days and I’m not about to miss you for any more.” Harry sat up and looked Louis in the eyes, like he was challenging him to say a single word about Harry’s decision. “Are you sure?” Louis asked and Harry just nodded at him, reaching out to grab onto his hand. “Get ready, then. I think we’re about to figure out where we end up.” Louis pointed to the wall behind Harry and Harry turned around, scooting closer to Louis when he saw the bright light growing bigger in the corner. Louis got off the couch and offered Harry his hand, gripping it tight while they both stood there and waited for the light to touch them. They woke up in a cottage, with the sounds of tiny little feet running down the hallway before there were children jumping into their bed with matching grins on their faces. “Hiya! I’m Ezra and this is my twin, Phil. Don’t worry, we know you really aren’t our daddies, but we’re your kids from now on. We were six when we died, our mommy didn’t want us anymore. We’ve been waiting for someone to come and love us the way our mommy was supposed to. We’re angles, we’re supposed to guide you and help you now that you’re in heaven. Don’t worry, Harry. Your family knows you’re in a better place now, we visited them in a dream and told them you were okay. We’re gonna call you Papa. Louis, we’ll call you Daddy. I hope you really like us, and life you get now.” The girl, Ezra, explained and Phil curled up in Harry’s lap like he belonged there.

  
Turns out that when you go to heaven, you get the life that you missed out on. Children that they missed out on, getting married even though it was just rings magically appearing on their left hands after their kids said they looked so in love. Both of their families eventually showed up, along with the boys because that’s part of the life that they missed out on. “I get why you stayed now.” Harry’s mum said, leaning into Harry’s side while they watched Ezra and Phil play in the front yard. “We still missed you, but I get it now. You stayed with the person you loved and I think that we all would have done the same thing. But we’re together now and that’s all that matters.” Harry hummed in agreement and it was a hundred days without Louis and a lifetime with the people that he loved more than anything in the world, so he figured that it was somewhat of a fair trade. “I just wish that we would have been able to come here sooner, be with you and let you know that we weren’t mad at you. But I got beautiful grandchildren out of it and you and Louis are happy so maybe it was meant to be.” And Harry was a big believer in fate, the thought that if it was meant to happen then it would happen, so he smiled real big at his mum before going to play with his children in a make believe life that he was so happy to have.


End file.
